Post by Panthera on Apr 18, 2007 13:53:52 GMT -4
It had been several days since she had any ripples in her emotions, but the dreams continued to consume her as she walked into the woods to find a place to just sit and meditate. The overwhelming feelings of all the basic senses had become almost too much for this Amazon to bear as she strolled through the forestry in search of nothing but peace. But peace was something she wouldn't find, not today. Unless the portals of time could be reopened and questions about her past could be answered and placed on the bookshelf of memories, her quest for peace was just over an arm's reach from her grasp.
Since coming to the city, she has only met a few people, and in that has found love, friendship, jealousy, and envy. Her heart belongs to Jacob, but her mind will not allow her love to grow as it should with the block of hatred blinding her way to a passion within waiting to blossom. Her friendships are only a few, but to her they are the needles she has found in haystacks the size of countries. Sam's devotion to these people would grow and she would only hope that if anything were to become of her in a negative matter, they would know she was not in control. She had no one else and to her they mattered most of all. She stood jealous of the other females of the mansion who could hold their heads up high in pride as her own struggled to fall from it's string. The relationships that flourished were of envy to her as she wished hers could be as strong, but the obstacles are still blocking the way.
Sam finally found a very quite spot near a stream and she sat herself down against a large oak tree. The grass was considerably soft and the wind was gentle. The sparkling water streamed down the river as small fish squiggled by in a school. She was alone as far as she could tell, so this would be a good place as any. She had never attempted to talk with her mother in a spiritual sense of time since that part of her was never introduced to such things. However, she was in desperate need of release and this would be a good place as any to let go and possibly find answers within herself.
She looked up at the sky as the clouds rolled across the majestic blue wonder and she smiled knowing that her family was safe even if they were taken from her in violence. As she spoke, tears would not come for she had cried all she could already on the way to her destination and now it was time to let go of the greyness filling her heart.
"Mom, I'm not sure how to start this. I'm not quite sure if I should even be doing this, but I don't know what else to do. Things are happening within my body and soul of which I have no idea why. There is built up hatred hidden inside that is crying to make its way to the surface. And a part of me, likes it. Is that wrong mother? I mean, don't we all have deep sides to us that need release now and then? Only, mine seems to be darker than normal. Almost devilish, which is why I'm here. I'm frightened mother, deathly afraid of hurting someone I've grown fond of at the mansion. There are several people I would surely give my life to save, but I would never want to harm anyone. But, my anger is swelling within, and I don't know what to do anymore. Jacob, you'd like him. He's terribly busy with getting his life together and I can't possibly tell him what my potentials are. And Logan. He's helped me, protected me, and become a dear friend in such a short period of time. I think Kitty hates me, and I don't blame her after how I reacted to her in the recreation room. I'm not afraid of the doctor anymore and Guido just makes me laugh. But, I can't find myself able to find the strength to talk to anyone. I'm so afraid of being alone, yet that's all I am is alone. Mom, I just don't know what to do."
Samantha sat there leaning up against the tree and continued a conversation with herself as the time passed. Only, the answers she was looking for didn't seem to be revealing themselves.
Or maybe, she just couldn't hear them.
Since coming to the city, she has only met a few people, and in that has found love, friendship, jealousy, and envy. Her heart belongs to Jacob, but her mind will not allow her love to grow as it should with the block of hatred blinding her way to a passion within waiting to blossom. Her friendships are only a few, but to her they are the needles she has found in haystacks the size of countries. Sam's devotion to these people would grow and she would only hope that if anything were to become of her in a negative matter, they would know she was not in control. She had no one else and to her they mattered most of all. She stood jealous of the other females of the mansion who could hold their heads up high in pride as her own struggled to fall from it's string. The relationships that flourished were of envy to her as she wished hers could be as strong, but the obstacles are still blocking the way.
Sam finally found a very quite spot near a stream and she sat herself down against a large oak tree. The grass was considerably soft and the wind was gentle. The sparkling water streamed down the river as small fish squiggled by in a school. She was alone as far as she could tell, so this would be a good place as any. She had never attempted to talk with her mother in a spiritual sense of time since that part of her was never introduced to such things. However, she was in desperate need of release and this would be a good place as any to let go and possibly find answers within herself.
She looked up at the sky as the clouds rolled across the majestic blue wonder and she smiled knowing that her family was safe even if they were taken from her in violence. As she spoke, tears would not come for she had cried all she could already on the way to her destination and now it was time to let go of the greyness filling her heart.
"Mom, I'm not sure how to start this. I'm not quite sure if I should even be doing this, but I don't know what else to do. Things are happening within my body and soul of which I have no idea why. There is built up hatred hidden inside that is crying to make its way to the surface. And a part of me, likes it. Is that wrong mother? I mean, don't we all have deep sides to us that need release now and then? Only, mine seems to be darker than normal. Almost devilish, which is why I'm here. I'm frightened mother, deathly afraid of hurting someone I've grown fond of at the mansion. There are several people I would surely give my life to save, but I would never want to harm anyone. But, my anger is swelling within, and I don't know what to do anymore. Jacob, you'd like him. He's terribly busy with getting his life together and I can't possibly tell him what my potentials are. And Logan. He's helped me, protected me, and become a dear friend in such a short period of time. I think Kitty hates me, and I don't blame her after how I reacted to her in the recreation room. I'm not afraid of the doctor anymore and Guido just makes me laugh. But, I can't find myself able to find the strength to talk to anyone. I'm so afraid of being alone, yet that's all I am is alone. Mom, I just don't know what to do."
Samantha sat there leaning up against the tree and continued a conversation with herself as the time passed. Only, the answers she was looking for didn't seem to be revealing themselves.
Or maybe, she just couldn't hear them.